Protected: I hate nights like tonight!!

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Muddling along..

I can’t quite believe it’s only 2 weeks till Christmas, it doesn’t feel festive at all despite having the tree up now and the decorations, every year I hope for some Christmas magic feeling to come along but I beginning to think it’s just not the same being an adult! I think I need to get the Christmas songs on the go, that usually does the trick!

I guess it’s hard to be festive when your sick, most of my blogs about illness recently have been private because no one likes a moaner right ?

I’ve been back to see the consultant at the hospital so will now be referred to the GI people, the pain team and have the excitement of looking forwards to a colonoscopy perhaps there will be more sedating drugs which cause some fun havoc with my mind again!

They spoke about starting me on amitriptyline as a painkiller, I’ve been on it on the higher dose as an AD and walked around like a zombie for months, it also knocks you to sleep, so maybe it would be a good drug for me to try!

I treated myself to some lovely new yarn today, it “knits” a lovely lacy scarf but it is so fiddly and time consuming! i also bought a new set of bamboo needles seen as my other ones got snapped or lost, I really need to get a knitting box (other than the falling apart cardboard Amazon box that is currently being used)

I also picked up some oil pastels and drawing paper, I am by no means artistic but I do enjoy drawing and painting so had a little play with them tonight, it might have looked like a kids picture but it kept me amused for a good 30mins and made me happy! 

I never thought I would hear myself say this but I wish mother nature would return my monthly gift, it appears to have gone missing since I became ill, I do believe it is trying to make a return due to a couple of random PMS days, or am I just a bitch hmm who knows!

Drugs

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This post is sponsored by my drug infused mind, on a good day i “only” have to take 28 pills a day on a bad day well who knows…

It’s been another average shit week of the usual pain, exhaustion and ever going depression with a couple of added in suicidal feelings for a change.

I did get to go on a cinema date last night with the BFG which was good but I suffered for it immensely today, I was exhausted and slept for 12+ hours without a single wake up which resulted in a seized up back and a rather delayed drug round.

I’m not a morning person as it is but until my meds are in my system I’m barely human so to sleep an extra 4/5 hours has a price to pay when  it comes to getting my meds in my system, of course it’s now 2am and I’m fairly awake, after spending the day trying to cure my back with conventional methods I took the diazepam and have a ridiculous amount of heat on it, it finally feels a bit better.

Here’s hoping for a reasonable week, normally the Christmas tree doesn’t go up till 12 days before but this year I think I need it to cheer me up, so I’ll be buying a new one during the week, new decorations etc. and next weekend up it will go, I need a bit of sparkle in my life just now!