Another day in my life….

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Today was a bit of a shiter, I had the district nurses out last night to give me diamorphine thanks to my lovely GP who prescribed me it over the phone for my gallbladder issues. I got to spend a few blissful hours pain free for the first time since I had been discharged, this morning was so so, I had the house to myself for a few hours and watched some rubbish day time TV then tried to doze for an hour but the kittens were being noisy and I kept waking up.

After I gave up napping the pain started to appear again I also had the issue that I hadn’t been well enough to pick up my prescription for my AD’s and beta blockers so my mood was becoming viler and my anxiety was through the roof. I was worrying about being well enough to walk to pick the kids up as the BFG had my car and was caught up taking someone to the hospital. I needed my meds asap!!

The BFG eventually got back, I got the meds, the kids were home but boy the pain was wicked! The problem is I’ve tried most painkillers, at the moment I’m on DHC, paracetamol, mebeverine for pain then I have tramadol but I’ve to try not to mix them all, even when I do it doesn’t take all the pain away, the most I get it “taking the edge” off it. If I don’t get my scan results tomorrow I’m phoning the hospital again. I’m in as much pain as I was when I was admitted and discharged, I’ve thought a couple of times of getting re-admitted but I’ve lost faith in the medical profession, Perhaps it was just the ward I was in but I don’t want to go through that again, which reminds me I need to finish off my complaint letter.

So I’ve been given flucloxicillian for my kidney infection, which is most likely a result of dehydration and/or vomitting, just another bloody pill to add to the pile.

I don’t know how I “cope” with everything, do I ? What would not coping be ? People are always saying how well I’m doing and other comment saying I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t live with that, but what choice do I have, because if there is a way to get out or give up other than suicide please do tell me ? I’m not strong or amazing or great, I’m screaming away inside as my stomach feels like it has hot pokers being stabbed into it and twisted.

And strangely enough as I’ve been typing this the BFF has texted me saying how proud she is of me dealing with all this pain and pushing through the hard bits, she knows me so well, she ever said I know you think others don’t get it but she does (she has back pain troubles) I guess I’m only dealing with it till I find another option…

 

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6 months pregnant ? No….Gastroparesis

 

This is what happens to my stomach when I eat, the above picture is 20 minutes after eating a small child size bowl of soup 😦

I’ve had digestive problems since I was a teenager and diagnosed with IBS, always more on the C side :O After I had the youngest child 5 years ago things went downhill, due to old style antidepressants they put me on because I was breastfeeding I put on 3.5 stone in A MONTH! I also sat like a zombie staring in to space most of the day, needless to say I came off them pretty quickly!

I’ve never lost the weight again and over the past year I have had lots of new symptoms such as heartburn, acid relux, cramps etc. Then this strange pain started on the right side too which landed me in hospital last month, they thought it was gallstones at first then ruled that out so did an endoscopy which showed the delayed gastric emptying (I had fasted for 14 hours and still had food in my stomach!) and a high degree of bilary reflux from the duodenum. They said this didn’t explain the pain I was in on the right hand side and didn’t give me much information on gastroparesis apart from telling me to avoid fat and fibre and started me on domperidone to increase the motility in my stomach.

So back to the hospital it was last week for the HIDA scan to check the function of my gallbladder, I’m not sure when I will find out the results, I don’t see my surgeon until January but see my GP on Monday, to be honest I’m not that worried about the pain on the right side now, it is sore when it happens but at least if it is my gallbladder then it can come out.

I just don’t know if and when I will be able to tolerate solid food again, I’ve been living off complan meal replacement drinks and yoghurts, I’ve lost about 18lbs in the past 2 weeks which is great as I have plenty to loose! but I have no energy most of the time and feel rotten. My GP suggested fitting an NG tube but I feel it’s way too soon for that kind of measure, but if I can’t even have a small bowl of soup then what chance have I got 😦