Muddling along..

I can’t quite believe it’s only 2 weeks till Christmas, it doesn’t feel festive at all despite having the tree up now and the decorations, every year I hope for some Christmas magic feeling to come along but I beginning to think it’s just not the same being an adult! I think I need to get the Christmas songs on the go, that usually does the trick!

I guess it’s hard to be festive when your sick, most of my blogs about illness recently have been private because no one likes a moaner right ?

I’ve been back to see the consultant at the hospital so will now be referred to the GI people, the pain team and have the excitement of looking forwards to a colonoscopy perhaps there will be more sedating drugs which cause some fun havoc with my mind again!

They spoke about starting me on amitriptyline as a painkiller, I’ve been on it on the higher dose as an AD and walked around like a zombie for months, it also knocks you to sleep, so maybe it would be a good drug for me to try!

I treated myself to some lovely new yarn today, it “knits” a lovely lacy scarf but it is so fiddly and time consuming! i also bought a new set of bamboo needles seen as my other ones got snapped or lost, I really need to get a knitting box (other than the falling apart cardboard Amazon box that is currently being used)

I also picked up some oil pastels and drawing paper, I am by no means artistic but I do enjoy drawing and painting so had a little play with them tonight, it might have looked like a kids picture but it kept me amused for a good 30mins and made me happy! 

I never thought I would hear myself say this but I wish mother nature would return my monthly gift, it appears to have gone missing since I became ill, I do believe it is trying to make a return due to a couple of random PMS days, or am I just a bitch hmm who knows!

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I’M DONE

cup of fuckSo today is yet another event that I am missing out on, it’s Movember in the atrium at uni, I wanted to go to the last one but was too ill just as I am too ill to go today, just like I am too ill to visit friends, go shopping or do anything that involves leaving the house. Tonight I was meant to be going to an engagement party, then there’s lots of Christmas events coming up all that I will most likely miss too. I’m angry and bitter about it all, it’s not fair, why me ??

I had a good old cry on the BFG last night and spoke to the BFF on fb chat, I’ve agreed to go back to the hospital after Adams birthday, I need to get sorted but i have little hope and faith left in our national health service, if your not a clear cut case illness then you just get lost in the system, everything is about money and beds, it’s not about the patient anymore.

I wrote a 3000 word complaint last night regarding my hospital stay, I’m planning to send it to several people in order to get something done, it’s just not acceptable. I can’t go on like this any longer, the pain, the exhaustion, the swelling etc I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!!

6 months pregnant ? No….Gastroparesis

 

This is what happens to my stomach when I eat, the above picture is 20 minutes after eating a small child size bowl of soup 😦

I’ve had digestive problems since I was a teenager and diagnosed with IBS, always more on the C side :O After I had the youngest child 5 years ago things went downhill, due to old style antidepressants they put me on because I was breastfeeding I put on 3.5 stone in A MONTH! I also sat like a zombie staring in to space most of the day, needless to say I came off them pretty quickly!

I’ve never lost the weight again and over the past year I have had lots of new symptoms such as heartburn, acid relux, cramps etc. Then this strange pain started on the right side too which landed me in hospital last month, they thought it was gallstones at first then ruled that out so did an endoscopy which showed the delayed gastric emptying (I had fasted for 14 hours and still had food in my stomach!) and a high degree of bilary reflux from the duodenum. They said this didn’t explain the pain I was in on the right hand side and didn’t give me much information on gastroparesis apart from telling me to avoid fat and fibre and started me on domperidone to increase the motility in my stomach.

So back to the hospital it was last week for the HIDA scan to check the function of my gallbladder, I’m not sure when I will find out the results, I don’t see my surgeon until January but see my GP on Monday, to be honest I’m not that worried about the pain on the right side now, it is sore when it happens but at least if it is my gallbladder then it can come out.

I just don’t know if and when I will be able to tolerate solid food again, I’ve been living off complan meal replacement drinks and yoghurts, I’ve lost about 18lbs in the past 2 weeks which is great as I have plenty to loose! but I have no energy most of the time and feel rotten. My GP suggested fitting an NG tube but I feel it’s way too soon for that kind of measure, but if I can’t even have a small bowl of soup then what chance have I got 😦